This is a series for The Honest Body Project featuring bottle feeding mothers. This series is titled, “No mother should be ashamed.” These mothers are sharing their stories on what led them to bottle feed and their feelings about it. There is so much judgement towards bottle feeding mothers and I want to help fight against it. No mother should be looked down on and we should lift each other up, rather than put others down for their choices. We are all just trying to do the best we can as mothers. We need to stop shaming others for making a different choice. What works for one family, may not work for another.
-Natalie McCain (Creator of The Honest Body Project)
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“Growing up in a Hispanic home bottle feeding was always the wrong thing to do. It’s said that your child will never be healthy because it wouldn’t get the nutrients from the mother. I became a mother of a beautiful little girl 16 years ago and I breast fed her. I walked like a peacock with my wings spread as can be and proud that I was able to breast feed her, but one day the Good Lord surprised me with a huge obstacle in my life that hindered me from breast feeding my other babies, which was breast cancer. Unfortunately, both of my breasts were removed and GOD knows I felt like the worst mother ever. The thought of knowing that because of me, my babies would never be healthy just hit me like a ton of bricks. Here I am now, a mother of two gorgeous handsome twins and bottle feeding. Yes I know its not breast feeding but I cherish every minute of it. I still have that bonding experience. I hold them, caress them and love on them as if I was breast feeding.”
“While I was pregnant I read tons of books on breast feeding and I planned for it. I was also open to bottle feeding but didn’t really think about it much. I had an expectation that they would come out, pop on (the breast) and life would be good. So many moms are able to tandem feed so I thought for sure I would be one of them. This is what my body was meant to do, so that’s the way it would happen. I thought I was totally prepared.”
“When my son was 3 months old I developed a major case of the shingles from my shoulder down to my finger nails on my left side. The pain was horrible. I was trying to recover from a C-section, care for my baby boy who was born 7 weeks early and also care for our 3 other boys at home. My husband couldn’t take any time off work since he had already done so when our baby was in the NICU. I could only hold him with one arm and couldn’t take any medication since I was breastfeeding. I tried so hard and finally got him off all formula from being in the NICU and having feeding issues. The pain was so bad that I started introducing more and more formula until my milk supply was non existent. It made it so anyone who came to help me could feed him. I still have nerve damage in my arm a few months later. I started pumping when I finally started to feel better but it wasn’t successful.”
“When I first had my daughter, I was very against the use of formula. I had been to breastfeeding classes at the local hospital before her birth, and was persuaded to join a breastfeeding group right away…which I did. I experienced issues with breastfeeding right away, and ended up attempting to pump in the hospital. I was able to continue breastfeeding my daughter for a bit after we got home, but everything fell to pieces when she was about 3 weeks old when my supply was tanking. I had nowhere to turn. The group gave me really bad advice, and I was literally feeling like my life was caving in on me. I was uneducated about formula and frankly I was ashamed to have to begin to use it. The day I started using formula was a turning point. I found a fabulous group on Facebook (which I am now an admin on) and also the Fearless Formula Feeder page which have really changed my outlook on infant feeding.”
“Kyle never latched to breastfeed. I pumped for about 4 weeks. Then finally at one of Kyle’s many visits to the pediatrician, he asked me how breastfeeding was going. It was almost like he could tell I was exhausted and falling deeper into my depression. I told him not good. I was having to supplement more and more every day with formula. He told me then just stop, it’s okay. I stopped pumping from that day on and it was the best thing I could have done for myself. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders and I could enjoy my baby.”
“No one should feel embarrassed with how they decide to feed their child. As long as they are happy and healthy, that’s all that matters!”
“I felt so much pressure when I first started taking the baby to playgroups. I felt myself getting hot and uncomfortable having to explain why I wasn’t nursing him.”
“The way in which you feed your child does not define you as a mother. At the end of the day, no one will judge my daughter by whether she was breast or formula fed. She will be judged by the kind of person she becomes, judged on her character, and that will be attributed to the kind of young lady I raise her to be.”
“I hope that one day people won’t judge whatever the method, and I wish all new mothers well on their feeding journey, whether it be breast or bottle.”
“I never felt any guilt for stopping but I was worried what others would think. Would they think I took the easy was out, that I am a quitter, that I did not love my baby enough to fight through the difficult times. When other mothers or friends would ask if I was breastfeeding I would get so nervous to answer. I usually would say, my son was born early therefore was never able to latch so I pumped for a month but now he is formula fed. I hoped to gain sympathy with the long answer rather than just saying, no he’s a happy healthy formula fed baby.”
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“I always planned on breastfeeding my children. Because of low blood sugar levels immediately following birth, both my sons were given a bottle of formula an hour after being born. Supplementation with formula was required and both were eventually admitted to the NICU because their levels were still low even with the formula and nursing. I was heartbroken both times. I took it much harder with my first son. When the same exact thing happened with my second, I was upset, but was able to get through it without feeling like a failure. My husband and the hospital staff were amazing and very supportive of me trying to continue nursing while supplementing. We would go down to visit every three hours so I could nurse and then give him a bottle in the NICU. Then I would go back up to my room to pump. It was very hard and stressful (especially while healing from a c-section), but I was determined to continue this for as long as possible.”
“Formula moms are sometimes looked at as “lazy” or “uneducated about infant nutrition”. It is not about that at all. Anyone that loves, care for, and feeds their baby…takes care of their baby for hours and hours on end, and into the middle of the night…is not a lazy mother at all.”
“I gave birth to twins in January and had extensive hemorrhaging which required two blood transfusions. I almost died. Due to my blood loss, my milk was very slow to come in. My babies were born 4 weeks early so had difficulty maintaining their blood sugar levels so that’s when the bottle feeding and formula supplementation was initiated. I was disappointed that I couldn’t live up to my expectation but I was ok with it for the time being. I continued to try breast feeding when we returned home with the babies. My daughter was diagnosed with a syndrome that makes her soft palate very high so she had issues latching. Even after lots of support from the LLL and 3 local lactation consultants, three months into it I decided to exclusively pump and bottle feed. Not long after, my son was diagnosed with a dairy allergy. I attempted to give up dairy but he still had difficulty digesting and had terrible reflux. I didnt have the mental fortitude to be a new first time mom to twins, deal with my PPD, be sleep deprived AND completely overhaul my diet. Some might say that makes me a bad mom or that it makes me selfish. The bottom line is that our babies are fed and happy. It doesn’t matter how that happens. I kept telling myself that over and over. I felt disappointed that I couldn’t “hack it” as a breast feeding mother but I accepted it. We ultimately placed him on an exclusive dairy free formula diet.”
“The bottom line is that no mother should feel ashamed about not breastfeeding their baby.”
“Sometimes I would wish that people would just think I had pumped breastmilk in the bottle.”
“My husband and I were on the same page when it came to making the decision to bottle feed. He’s always been supportive. I know he loved being able to help and bond with his babies. He even takes pride in the fact that he can feed both of them at once.”
“I still feel so guilty that I’m giving my baby formula that I started him on an organic brand and it’s almost $35 a can, which we can’t really afford.”
“My advice for bottle feeding is to sit and enjoy every minute of it. Babies grow up fast and leave the nest super fast. Always remember that although your babies are being bottle fed they are still getting what they need and no matter what obstacles are presented to you that hinder you from breastfeeding enjoy it, because I know I have and still do.”
“I loved feeding my daughter. It was one of my favorite things about her being a baby. I would hold her close and most times she would fall asleep and nap on me. I held her for every feeding until she turned one.”
“I still gaze into my son’s eyes as I feed him a bottle. I still hold him close to my chest as he feeds. No matter the method of feeding, there is still bonding going on. My son is a happy healthy formula fed baby. I made the best choice for the both of us. And the icing on the cake is my husband get to feed our son bottles and gazes lovingly into his eyes too.”
“I didn’t really feel pressure to breast feed from any one single person. I think it was more of a pressure I placed on myself from everything I’ve read and what society in general tells us as mothers. An acquaintance once told me that formula was poison. She belittled moms that formula fed and I feel like her voice was in the back of my mind during those times that I felt like I was letting my children down. It really stuck with me because I don’t know how anyone could think formula is poison. It allows mothers, fathers, grandparents to nurture and feed these children. It keeps them alive. How is that poison?”
“My husband and family were able to bond right away. There is something about sharing the feeding experience with others when they are so little. Also, having the option to have others take care of middle of the night feedings was great. I know a lot of people say formula babies sleep through the night faster, but both my boys did not get that memo!”
“I can’t believe how many people actually ask me what’s in my baby’s bottle.”
“Babies don’t care how they are being fed as long as they are being loved while doing it.”
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“I’m tired of the mommy wars. Every mom, regardless of how you feed your child, should have support.”
“When I first started bottle feeding I missed the closeness we had when I nursed them. I soon figured out that I could still have it. I was still snuggling them. I was still caressing them. I was still nourishing them. It’s all the same, I just do it in a different way than breast feeding moms. My children are still fed, happy, healthy and they don’t love me any less because I bottle feed them.”
“It’s amazing how some people think they are entitled to ask you such personal questions about why I’m not nursing my child.”
“When I watch Vincenzo laying on my husbands bare chest as he’s giving him his bottle, it makes me feel like maybe I wasn’t a failure after all.”
“I am able to share that bonding experience with my husband. Just passing the bottle and allowing him to help me feed makes him look even more handsome. Sometimes I sit and watch him do it and enjoy every minute of it. Plus it makes it easier for me at nights, when I am extremely tired, to pass up that bottle, especially with twins.”
“My husband loved being able to help with the feeding process. He would always volunteer when he was able to do it. It definitely helped with his bonding experience.”
“I definitely feel guilty. I tried my best.”
“Good parenting doesn’t come from breast or bottle, it comes from the heart.”
“Every mom has the right to choose how they wish to feed their child, and they should be proud of that decision. Breast or bottle, as long as you are feeding your baby with love…I support you.”
“It’s a very sensitive subject for me since all I wanted to do was just breastfeed my children.”
“I am still dealing with postpartum depression. One of the biggest benefits of bottle feeding for me is the fact that it enables me to accept help when it comes to feeding my children. I need time away from my kids sometimes. People might say that makes me detached, selfish or neglectful. But the fact is I need that time to find myself again. I need time to feel “normal” again. That time is important for me to be happy. If bottle feeding helps keep me happy and allows my family and friends to help, ultimately my children are benefiting from it. How is that selfish? Everything I do is for them.”
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