This is a series for The Honest Body Project titled “After the Baby is Born”. This series features mothers who recently gave birth and are in the postpartum period. The mothers featured in this series are from “The Beauty in A Mother” maternity series, which can be viewed here. Society puts so much pressure on women to “bounce back” after giving birth and I want to help break that cycle. These women are baring their hearts and souls to help show the variations of bodies after giving birth.
-Natalie McCain (Creator of The Honest Body Project)
“The other morning I got out of the shower, stood in front of the mirror and really looked at my body. The purple, jagged stretch marks on my stomach struck me so hard that I startled myself with how loud I involuntarily said ‘WOW.’ I never got any with my first son. I knew in the last few weeks of this pregnancy that they had shown up, but it was different now since the baby arrived and that skin wasn’t so tight anymore. I called my husband in to show him. ‘Look at these stretch marks,’ I said. ‘Cool!’ he said. And he genuinely meant it as he ran his finger across them. ‘I used to have amazing, tight abs… do you remember?’ I asked him, realizing that they would never look like I remembered. Without hesitation, he replied ‘Yes, but we didn’t have two amazing sons back then.'”
“I think everyone thinks what if they stayed at home longer, walked further or opted for or didn’t get the epidural. But really we can’t change it and some of us didn’t really get to choose how our babies came in to world, but we can choose how we raise them.”
“I’ve been able to really embrace not “bouncing back” right away with my last 2 pregnancies. There’s something really beautiful about the way my newborn’s tiny body molds into my soft, squishy postpartum belly. While rock hard abs might be something I aspire to someday in the future, I’m really glad that isn’t my reality right now. The body I have is perfect for snuggling my baby!”
“I believe it was day four or five that we were home from the hospital and I was still adjusting to becoming a new mother and to the pain that I felt down under. I remember sitting in the dark crying as Bradley was crying. It seems like all day he was crying and he would not stop. He wouldn’t sleep, my boobs were killing me from breastfeeding all day, my hair was a mess, my house was a mess, my dogs needed to be fed and I felt like a failure. I remember thinking how am I ever going to do this, this is not how I pictured it. As I was trying to get him to latch, I looked down at him and I swear he looked right up at me into my eyes and smiled. I know it was an involuntary smile, but that moment of clarity right there just made me feel so complete, happy, and nothing else mattered. The best way to explain it is it feels like everything is just going from bad to worse and then there’s that one moment, that moment that makes you forget everything bad that happens, every stressful situation and every sleepless night worth it. Being a mother is the most rewarding, exhausting and draining thing I’ve ever done in my entire life and I would never change it for anything in the entire world.”
“After this birth, I decided to take care of my sanity proactively, since I knew I could get overwhelmed, touched out or even less kempt than what makes me feel good. I shower daily and change clothes if they get messy, and make sure I’m comfortable before I am “stuck” for hours, even if it means the baby or babies wait an extra 10 seconds. Practicing this self-care has definitely helped keep my head in a better place than last time.”
“I have the kind of body that other moms hate and openly tell me so. I haven’t had any issues with my postpartum body. I just worked a bikini event last week at 4 weeks postpartum. I’m still 10-15 lbs over my usual weight, so I definitely felt a little more self conscious then usual. But to cope with that I’ve been hitting the gym the last two weeks to get myself back faster than with just breastfeeding. Most people can’t believe how fast I’m back in shape again with baby number 2 but it’s what I do for a living, so I’m pretty sure my body just knows I can’t afford not to be! I won’t get hired for any modeling work if I’m out of shape- I mean that’s just the harsh reality of how it is.”
“I had a very dark time after my first son was born where I cried daily and just didn’t want to pick him up. I felt extremely guilty about it, but that didn’t change the sadness. I remember middle of the night moments where I would weep for hours and hours while holding my child who slept so little, wondering if it would ever get better. It took months, the support of my husband, encouragement from my sister, and talk therapy to get myself to a happier place. I know a lot of the mental pain came from my traumatic birth experience (being induced at 41 weeks and laboring un-medicated for nearly 13 hours before ending up with a C-section). Going through all of that and then not even getting to be the first one to hold or see my baby boy absolutely crushed me at my core. I haven’t had anywhere near the same feelings or sadness with the arrival of my newest son, and I attribute a lot of that to having much more of a say in what my birth experience was like this time as well as an amazing therapist I continue to see weekly and have been going to for nearly two years now.”
“It is so amazing to finally see this little human that has been a part of you for their whole life.”
“The emotional ups and downs can be overwhelming during the first few weeks. I was sorting through baby clothes a few days after my daughter was born, and came across an outfit my son had worn often when he was a baby, and started bawling. Remembering him as a tiny, beautiful, needy baby, and looking at him as a tall, beautiful, self-sufficient child, I just broke down crying. It all goes so fast. The newborn stage, especially, is over in the blink of an eye, and although there are many more wonderful moments in mothering a child, there’s something so beautiful and powerful about the time when you are everything to a tiny, helpless human.”
“Even though I have no idea what sleep is anymore, I constantly smell like baby puke, I look a hot mess, my house isn’t as clean as it used to be and my life consists of dirty diapers and getting peed on, I absolutely love the mommy life and couldn’t imagine my life without him.”
“One of my poor babies crying gets to me. I love being able to tend to her needs most of the time.. that’s really fulfilling! What is really challenging and overwhelming, though, is when she’s sad and I don’t know how to help and nothing seems to meet her needs. Sometimes she’s just sad and that’s okay too. I just have to remind myself that it’s okay to be sad, especially if I’m right there to comfort her through it.”
“I spent my whole pregnancy worrying about how my toddler was going to handle having another baby around and now I feel like I was worrying for nothing. It barely phased her past the first week. She’s just like “whatever” and keeps playing. She has been wanting to be picked up a lot more and needs more attention here and there, but for the most part I think she really likes having a baby sister and wants to help as much as she can. She even tries to do diaper changes on all her stuffed animals and breastfeed them. When the baby is crying she comes up to me and says “Baby wants a boobie.” It’s pretty entertaining having a toddler around to help out with the normal mundane baby duties throughout the day. The other day she was assisting me with a diaper change and was up front and center to witness the baby spray thick yellow poop ALL OVER ME. We both looked at each other wide eyed and then she started laughing at me, so at least I know her sense of humor is perfectly in tact. One day I will get to look back on all of this and be glad my little partner in crime was right there with me through it all this time. I couldn’t feel more blessed.”
“Once I got home from the hospital – just a two night stay – the real C-section recovery began. It was completely humbling and a bit depressing to be reduced to that state again. The effort and concentration it took to gingerly maneuver myself into a standing position. Needing someone else to physically help me wipe myself after going to the bathroom for over a week because the pain of twisting or bending was so excruciating and brought me to tears in a split second. Cringing anytime someone accidentally bumped my feet or ankles because they were so giant and tight from fluid retention that they looked like something out of a cartoon to me. And basically living on the couch night and day with only short walks within the house here and there. Even now, nearly 4 weeks postpartum, my stomach is numb from about an inch below my belly button down to the incision. And I know from last time that this will continue for months. Of course, the only childbirth experiences I’ve had have been C-sections, so I don’t know what a vaginal birth and recovery would feel like, but I’ve had some people give me the looks and comments that I wasn’t doing the best thing for myself or my baby by choosing a scheduled C-section. That this was a cop-out choice. The easy way out. Anyone who thinks having a C-section vs. vaginal delivery is taking the easy route needs to think again. I thought long and hard before deciding this (over attempting a VBAC) was the best choice for me and my baby. And despite the pain of the recovery and all the side effects of it all, I would do it again in a heartbeat.”
“The hardest thing I have to cope with postpartum is finding a balance between the new baby and my two year old.”
“The newborn hasn’t been the overwhelming part – it’s everything else! Newborns just need to be snuggled and nursed all the time, which is honestly a joy, but it makes doing anything else – taking care of her older siblings, keeping the house from descending into chaos, spending time with my husband – a challenge.”
“Being a plus size pregnant woman was very challenging in every aspect. From the body shaming to trying to find clothes that fit. Self confidence was an every day challenge. After having my child I thought that my body would go back to the way it was, which was nowhere near perfect, but I was happy with the way I was. I’m here to say it did not go back to the way it was. I have lost about 26 pounds, I eat healthy, and I try to exercise as much as I can but I’m still not happy with the way I look. I don’t want to be skinny. I just want to be healthy for me, my family, and my son, but it is hard. It’s hard to feel beautiful with all of the tiger stripes across my body and all the extra weight I’ve gained.”
“The hardest thing I’ve had to cope with during postpartum is maintaining patience. Overall I will say I’ve done an excellent job, but it has taken a lot of awareness and intention. Most of the time it is a minute-to-minute self-regulation exercise. Patience with myself as I go through the physical recovery and limitations from my elective repeat C-section. Patience with myself as I learn to parent two children. Patience with my toddler as he approaches three years old and adjusts to having a new baby in the house. Patience with those helping out around my home with tasks I’m so used to doing on my own.”
“My journey around and leading up to birth was a wild ride! After doing some research and pondering, as well as getting amazing doula support, I decided that I could totally rock an unmedicated vbac, even if it meant delivering in the OR, risking general anesthesia by not getting an epi (if I needed an emergency cesarean), having constant monitoring of 2 fetuses, amongst the other potential non-support that the hospital can bring. Fortunately I had a lot of education, support, and was at peace with whatever happened during my birth. Then my daughters decided to take a lot of time, being past their due date with low fluid and I decided the safest option in our situation was to have a repeat cesarean. I was so blessed to be armed with a bubble of peace, a lot of knowledge about how I wanted this cesarean to be better than my first, and my support crew. My birth was my best plan B it could have been. I left with no regrets this time.”
“The hardest part about having a newborn is the fact that I also have a toddler who needs my attention as well, most of the time more when the newborn does. Recently the baby is starting to go through her growth spurts with breastfeeding and that basically means she wants to feed 24/7 and seems unsatisfied, even right after feeding her. It’s been hard to take care of myself, like eating on time, sleeping, or trying to do any cleaning around the house. I basically can’t do anything without having to breastfeed at the same time. Earlier today I was just trying to make some boxed mac and cheese for lunch to get me by- while breastfeeding her at the same time and I could barley stir the pot. Little things like that are super frustrating but I just have to keep reminding myself to enjoy this stage even when it’s brutal and we’ll be out of it soon. With the first baby it seemed like there was no end in sight and I definitely feel like I got overwhelmed a lot more and frustrated to the point where I started having some resentment.”
“I honestly feel more comfortable with the way my body looks when I’m pregnant than when I’m not. I have mixed feelings right now… I am amazed at the way my body is recovering from my second C-section, I am a little sad that I have stretch marks on my stomach this time, although with time I hope to embrace these and feel much differently than I do right now. I feel like a goddess each time I breastfeed my baby. I feel older than I think I should at my age. I am in awe at what the female body is capable of.”
“I love feeling so round and curvy while being pregnant and dressing to accent all those curves. BUT afterwards it’s a struggle to hide that belly that isn’t flat and those arms that look a little bit flabbier then before and those veiny legs that are still a little swollen.”
“It’s hard being touched all the time. My toddler, understandably, has been needier than usual since her sister was born. I’m nursing one or both of them almost constantly, and as much as I really do love it, I feel really touched out sometimes. “
“For me, the hardest part about this whole experience is that I’ve always been so independent. I’ve always been able to do everything I set my mind to and never had to ask for help. What I’ve learned is that having a newborn, or a child in general, is tough and I’ve had to learn to ask for help when I need it. At first I didn’t ask for any help, even in the hospital. I didn’t want him away from me. I didn’t want help putting him to sleep, changing him, feeding him…nothing. I just wanted to do it all myself because I thought I could. Literally three days after I had a breakdown because I couldn’t do it by myself. I realized I never had to do it by myself and I don’t know why I felt I needed to. I’m still learning to ask for help but I’m way better now.”
“The newborn stage comes with this most amazing, innate need for mommy. Yes it can be very overwhelming, but it’s simplicity is a beautiful thing.”
“The hardest part about recovery for me both times is the ripping vagina and stitches. I still cringe just thinking about it. Having to pee and use the squirt bottle at the same time, bleeding for a month after and for some reason I was way more swollen, bleeding and bruised down there this time. But I recovered at 5 weeks instead of 6/7 weeks with the first baby.”
“I had such a feeling of calm and peace when I met him. I laughed with pure delight when I heard the sound of his cry as he took his first breaths. I felt the purest form of love when I saw him and my husband held his face to mine amidst the sea of blue scrubs and surgical masks.”
“Everyone says how easy your second delivery will be. I just want to clarify that no matter how many babies you have they are not easier, just different. I felt more in charge and connected with my body this time, but it was not easier. Labor may have happened quicker and I was able to cope with it better, but pushing was actually harder.”
“I felt so supported and loved before, during and after my daughter’s birth. The day before she was born, a group of dear friends met me for breakfast and made me a bracelet to wear during labor, with beads that reminded them of me or of their wishes for her birth. Friends helped me fill my freezer with meals during the last few weeks of my pregnancy, and brought food after my daughter was born. My mom came and took care of my older children – and me! – while I recovered. My husband has been a better support after the birth of each of our three children. I’ve been incredibly blessed with the support I received this time around.”
“I can’t say it enough, the most overwhelming part about having a newborn is the lack of sleep. I’m so tired that I catch myself falling asleep while feeding him all the time. It’s hard to get used to not being able to rest. Even when he is sleeping (he sleeps next to me in his little co-sleeper), I’m still not fully asleep. Every whimper, movement, and grunt that he makes I am instantly awake and checking on him. I constantly find myself watching him when he sleeps just to make sure he’s breathing because I’m so paranoid. Even though I know he’s in perfect hands when I leave him with his father so I can get some sleep, I’m still so worried because he’s not with me…my mind is just racing. For me that is the hardest. I love my sleep! And it’s really hard not to be cranky and crabby when you have no sleep.”
“I love my postpartum belly! I’ve been waiting so long to see what it’d look like and had hoped for some tiger stripes, telling me that my babies grew big and spent that much less time struggling to survive. I will never hide my stripes or mushy mama belly for other’s sake; this amazing belly has carried my 3 kids in 2 pregnancies, going full-term each time.”
“This time I’m learning to accept any help I can get and admit when I can’t do it by myself. I’m very stubborn and the first baby I wanted to do everything myself, even when I knew I couldn’t, and I burnt myself out by always wanting to it all. It also didn’t give my husband the chance to help out and bond as much.”
These mothers were all a part of the pregnancy series “The Beauty in a Mother” which can be viewed here.
