“There shouldn’t be this expectation that since you’re a woman and you’re married that you should have children…”

childfreeseries (25 of 41)

“I still get questions about why I don’t have children yet. Not so much from people who know me but usually from someone I’ve just met, or people I work with on occasion, or relatives that I don’t see very often. They’ll ask “When are you going to have kids?” or “why don’t you have kids yet?”. I always shrug and say “I don’t know”. Sometimes, depending on the person, I’ll just come right out and say “we don’t want kids” or “I have a dog and she’s my furbaby (kid)”. The worst is when someone says “but you’d make a great mother”. How do you even know this is true? What makes someone a good parent? Sure, I’m fine with other people’s children for the short length of time that I’m with them, but could I take the day to day, every hour of every minute of caring for someone else that needs me. I consider myself a nice person with a fairly calm personality but that doesn’t mean I’m going to be a good mother or that I have the qualities of a good mother. I also hate the “you’ll never regret having a child” or “there’s no good time to have a child”. I can’t imagine ever regretting something like creating and nurturing a child. And, yes I know, that timing is never perfect for having a child. There never will be enough money, or time, or perfect situation where it’s obvious that now is the right time to have a child. But that doesn’t make this advice any more reason as to why I should have a child. My husband and I have been married for over 8 years now so clearly there’s that expectation that people have, for marriages and women in general, that we should have already had kids. I always feel like I’m being interrogated or judged or that my decision is being questioned because I don’t want kids. I also think there’s this stigma on women for not having a child. Like there must be something wrong with you or that you’re selfish. Everyone is different and everyone’s life is different. There are many reasons why women don’t have children. There shouldn’t be this expectation that since you’re a woman and you’re married that you should have children.”


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