“Nursing this long has nothing to do with being “mom enough” and it isn’t “extreme”. We don’t do it for sport, to win an award, or to be recognized above anyone else. We don’t do it to prove a point, to make a scene or to be praised. We are just mothers nursing our children.”
Below is a collection of portraits and stories from mothers who breastfeed their children beyond 12 months. The name of this series is “We are not “still” nursing, we are just nursing.” My hopes with this series is that it will open the eyes of many who are wrongfully judgemental towards extended nursing, also known as full term nursing. No mother deserves to be judged for how she chooses to feed her child. I personally nursed my children while they were toddlers and I can speak from experience when I say it is a very natural, beautiful thing. It’s time we support one another. What works for one family, may not work for yours, but that does not mean it is wrong.
~Natalie McCain (Creator of The Honest Body Project)
“The question that bothers me the most with full term nursing is, “When are you going to stop?” Why do I have to stop? Do we have to have a date in mind? My child feels comforted, she is smart, confident, and independent so nursing isn’t holding her back in any way! She loves to nurse, she loves to be close to me. Let’s face it, all these cute little faces are going to be teenagers one day and want nothing to do with their parents.”
“I am a full time working mom. It is so hard spending my day away from my babies. I am fortunate that as a teacher, my husband is able to bring my sons to school during my planning/lunch period so I can see them and nurse them. The best part of nursing for me is the reconnection we get when I come home everyday. I spend my evenings snuggling and nursing; daddy makes us dinner so I can spend that time with them. It’s a unique bond that we have and it helps make up for the time spent apart.”
“From the outside breastfeeding a child who isn’t a “baby” anymore may seem strange. But as the mom nursing a child “this long” I can tell you it just feels like another stage of nursing following the one before it. I’ve held this child and nursed her day after day since the day she was born and though over time she has gotten bigger and heavier and nursing has changed she is still my baby girl and it still feels just as right as it did the first time I nursed her.”
“Will they ever stop? Yes, yes they will. As my daughter approaches 5 years old I have even asked myself this question but I know that her breastfeeding journey will end. It will end exactly when it should for us. Every breastfeeding relationship is different and unique. Research and trust your heart, you will find what is right for you and your child and it will be amazing.”
“There will be a day when he will no longer choose to nurse and I trust my son enough to tell me when that will be.”
“I never in 1 million years imagine my son would be 3 1/2 years old and still asking for “milks” daily. There are some mornings he wakes me up in a very loud abrupt manner, and the selfish side of me just wants him to leave me alone. But there are more times when he wakes me up in such a sweet loving way, snuggles up next to me, and in the cutest voice ever, tells me he can smell my milk and asks if he can “please pretty pretty pretty pretty please have milks.” He could be in the worst of moods but as soon as I let him enjoy his milks, all is well in his little world and it sets a much more positive tone to his day.”
“When the twins were getting close to 2 years old, I remember baby A nursing with me then all of a sudden he unlatched, babbled something I couldn’t understand to his brother, and then latched back on. Seconds later baby B came over and latched on. I know he must have been telling his brother to come and nurse!”
“It bothers me to hear people say, “When they can ask for it, they don’t need it anymore.” Children ask for nourishment from the second they enter this world. A newborn asks by crying, sucking their lips, and putting their hands in their mouth. An older baby might ask by tapping your chest or signing. And now my toddler asks by yelling, “MILKIES,” and pulling at my shirt! They ask from day one. They’ve just learned different and more evolved ways as they get older.”
“My initial goal for nursing was to just get over the first two weeks which I’ve heard is the biggest hurdle and to go from there. As our nursing journey has progressed I then set some milestones like six months and one year. Once my son reached a year it dawned on me… why do I have these “goals” for how long I feed and nourish my child? We are almost three years into this breastfeeding journey. I never once had the thought of “I’m going to stop nursing at such and such age”. Self-weaning is what is working for us. When my son feels he is done is when we are done.”
“I initially planned to breastfeed for a year because that’s just what everyone said. The AAP, many parenting books, family and friends etc. I had no idea how much my mothering would be entwined with breastfeeding, or how important breastfeeding would be to my child at that point. It seemed only natural to continue once we reached the 12 month mark.”
“My goal has been to nurse my kids until they are done. I’m so fulfilled that we’ve been successful so far. Never in a million years did I think I’d be nursing three though, with having twins shortly! I have found it really helpful to have my partners support in whatever makes me comfortable, especially when it comes to being around other people. I think that took us all, but especially him, some getting used to but now I’m not sure he even notices! I’m glad we at least don’t have to go through that transition again. We can just focus on survival.”
“When I notice my daughter starting to get worked up we practice deep breathing and I offer her some mama’s milk. Together they help her feel a sense of confidence that she can tackle the emotions that she is feeling.”
“When my son was 16 months old we were going to be flying together. I knew he was going to want to nurse on the flight and I was so nervous of what my seat mate would think when I was nursing my rambunctious toddler. Would they stare? Would they be judging me? I had an older lady sit next to me, notice I was nursing and went on to tell me how wonderful what I was doing was. I immediately felt so much more at ease about my decision. My son soon after self weaned. Now with my daughter, I’m proud to say we full term nurse, we don’t have a time frame we are looking to stop, and I am proud and comfortable with my choice!”
“I cannot begin to describe the bond I have with my babies or the love I feel for them each and every time I look down at their sweet faces while they nurse.”
“My oldest son was also the first great grandchild. His Great Gran passed away before his first birthday. The family was at Hospice House in Malabar, just sitting around spending time together. I was by her bed with my son, he was getting fussy and she told me to go ahead and nurse him. She asked me to stay there and she just held my hand and watched. She didn’t nurse her babies, but was glad I was nursing mine, she told me how precious she thought it was. That was our last evening together talking; the bond of nursing connected more than mother and child that night.”
“My second child weaned herself. It was quite a shock too. I was 8 months pregnant and looking very much forward to tandem nursing. We were cuddled up where I was reading her a book and nursing her before her nap. She unlatched and sat up abruptly. She looked at me and said “I don’t like it anymore”. Like that, she was done.”
“Initially I didn’t know I was supposed to have any other goal other than to succeed. It wasn’t until I moved back to the states that everyone was concerned about “making it to…” whatever length of time. I feel very fortunate to have been in a culture that embraced breastfeeding as simply “just the way it is”. My goal was to take care of my baby and it still is. I have learned over the years that breastfeeding offers so much more than nourishment, so I have embraced the breastfeeding journey longer and longer simply out of necessity and ease.”
“By about month 6, it’s really easy compared to the beginning. By month 12, you’ll think you’ve reached a goal. But in reality, you’ve reached a milestone. A goal is the end. A milestone is when you can now use your knowledge to continue to improve. This is where you begin to reap the true benefits of nursing. Where you have the ability to provide comfort and security to your child as he or she is learning that the world is actually really large. Where you can soothe within ten seconds of a scrape. Where you continue to bond with your child as your provide important nutrients that helps your child’s brain development. Where any misunderstanding can be solved without words or hurt feelings. Where a “blown gasket” can be repaired in an instant. Dig deep and push through for it won’t always be this hard. You’ll be at that milestone soon enough.”
“Never knock extended nursing until you try it! It’s not what you may think. It is just a natural progression that is led by my children. My older boys know that they were all nursed and they don’t bat an eye or wonder why I am still nursing their brothers. Why can’t adults understand this and just keep their comments to themselves?”
“Everyone is entitled to do what they feel is best for their family, and this is what works for us. There are countless benefits, physically and mentally for mother and baby. This is something we are both comfortable with, and it doesn’t affect you in any way. Weaning age internationally is far greater than what you experience here in America. It’s taboo to some because it’s not something many are educated on. Breasts were made to nourish children. Plain and simple. Thanks to media and our culture, they have become sexualized. Your hang ups with the sexualization of breasts are less important than my child’s needs and comfort.”
“I remember one time we were bringing groceries in and I dropped a carton of milk on the floor (it exploded everywhere!) and when my toddler walked in I explained that I spilled a little milk. She ran over to the puddle and then ran up to me and held onto my chest. She asked me, “Mama is your milk ok!? Did you spill it ALL?” I did my best to explain but she was so worried about my milk being safe that she kept coming back and patting my chest for most of the day after that. It was so sweet to see how much my milk being safe meant to her. Nursing has given my children and I special bonds that I hope we carry with us forever. We have made memories that I think will last a lifetime and we’ve made some health benefits that will also last a lifetime.”
“It can be really hard to imagine nursing anything beyond the age you are nursing, especially when you’re nursing a really dependent newborn. It’s life sustaining at that time! Set little goals. Over time, you may find that it seems to really work for your family. What’s also nice is, just like many other choices, it doesn’t HAVE to be something that is anyone else’s business to even know you’re doing it. Obviously I don’t mind normalizing it, but that doesn’t mean anyone has to feel pressure to join me in that.”
“Full term nursing is linked to reduced rates of breast and ovarian cancer, is a source of emotional support, fosters independence, is an immune booster, and is the perfect make up of calories for your growing toddler. It is typical and the norm in most countries and I’m hoping that with time and education, like this segment of The Honest Body Project, the citizens of the United States will see that extended breastfeeding is “normal” and should be accepted instead of frowned upon.”
“My goal for my second child was to breastfeed him until age 2. Even with five clogged ducts in the first six weeks of his life and some major clicking issues, nursing him was a breeze. Now he is 25 months old and we are gently weaning. It has been sweet and beautiful and an absolute joy to nurse my son.”
“Normalizing breastfeeding is important because no parent should feel ashamed or judged about how they are nourishing their child. With that being said, normalizing formula feeding is also an important issue. No parent should feel like they need to hide, cover, or sit in a bathroom to feed their child.”
“Having an older child I wasn’t sure how I was going to explain what breastfeeding was. I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable but I wanted this experience to be as natural and easy for both of us as possible. I am so thankful that he not once questioned anything about breastfeeding in a negative way, and he’s so supportive even at eight years old.”
“Last night as I was laying with my almost 22 month old and he was so excited to “go lay down” and have “milkies”, he started giggling with a giddy joy that you could only smile at. I mean what kid actually looks forward with excitement for bedtime? He starts to rub my arm with such tenderness, as his way of asking me to rub his back. We have developed such a sixth sense of communication through our breastfeeding journey. Then, he unlatches and says with a big smile, “Otherside!” As I was laying there I began hearing voices and stories I have heard so many mothers tell, “My Mother in law keeps saying, if they’re old enough to ask for it, they’re too old for it!” And I began to wonder as an adult what communication looks like between that mother and her son/s. I know my husband only calls his mother when I tell him to. I hope that by establishing positive communication early on, my sons will always want to tell me everything. Whether I want to hear it or not, I will always listen, without judgement and with an open heart to let them know what they think and how they feel are important to me.
“I have nursed others’ babies as well, and someone close to me nursed my daughter when she was a baby, many times in fact. Some people think that is weird but I am so thankful that when I was away from my daughter for work and school and I couldn’t pump enough milk for her I had someone who was willing, not only to care for her, but to nurse her. In some ways it was hard, knowing that someone else was providing for my daughter what I couldn’t at the time, but in so many more ways I was thankful that someone could provide it when I couldn’t, and each time I nursed my daughter was so much more meaningful to me.”
“When my son, now 2 years old, had just turned one we found out that I was pregnant again. While pumping for my first born, I was always stressed that I wasn’t making him enough milk. He nursed so much when I got home. I wanted to be sure that baby number two had a healthy milk supply, and I wanted to be sure my first born didn’t feel left out, so I decided I would continue nursing and tandem nurse once both babies were here. (My husband was and is 100% behind my breastfeeding goals and desires.) Nursing while pregnant was challenging, it was uncomfortable, sometimes painful. I made less and less milk, and he nursed less, but first thing when I came home, he would come to me, snuggle and suckle and then continue his playing. Once his brother and the full milk arrived, he began nursing more and more. Now we tandem nurse. Sometimes it is too much, I feel all touched out, but then my 2 year old holds his brother’s hand as they nurse and I can’t imagine doing anything different. He will even help him latch on if he comes off the breast. I still try to have one on one nursing time with each of them, but with my schedule I am so grateful that I can connect with the both through tandem nursing.”
“My third child still nurses. She is almost 5 and we have an ongoing conversation about her stopping on her birthday. Some days she agrees but most days she does not. We will just have to wait and see how her breastfeeding journey ends.”
“When my second baby was nine months old we began trying for number three. I was still under the false pretense that it may take a while to get pregnant due to some previously diagnosed fertility issues on both mine and my husbands parts. On top of that, I only have one cycle, and was still nursing around the clock. I figure the chances were slim and it would take a while. Much to our surprise, I was pregnant within a week! Once I was able to wrap my brain around having two babies so close in age, I began to embrace the idea of tandem nursing. I had always thought I was fairly well educated when it came to breast-feeding, but that was something I had never considered or even really knew was possible. So I did my research and decided to keep an open mind and try it. Unfortunately, about five months into my pregnancy, my supply completely dried up. One day my body was nursing him, and the next day it wasn’t. I. Was. Heartbroken. My baby rebelled! By the end of day two, he had become desperate enough to take a bottle. At 13 months I thought our nursing journey was over. One full year later, after I had weaned him from the bottle, at 26 months old he was curious about what his baby brother was doing and he shocked me by asking for milks. That day, my son became my baby again and all of the guilt I felt for not trying harder to maintain my supply was completely erased.”
“My children find comfort and peacefulness with nursing. When they are scared or anxious or tired they seek me for comfort. It’s not extended nursing to me, it is just nursing. Our journey just hasn’t ended yet and they still need me for that. One day it will end, but I am not going to interfere with the natural process of that.”
“Since I have started the weaning process, I have been experiencing severe anxiety. I feel so ready to have my body back and to find myself again as a woman who is also a mother. To cut that sweet nursing bond and move on to the next phase of mothering. If I think about what it will be like when I am not breastfeeding my son anymore, my chest starts to get tight, my heart races and I feel like I can’t breathe. Full on panic attack symptoms. It stops when I tell myself that it is okay to nurse him. That we won’t wean for another week. For now, we are down to once a day or every other day. He has gone two days without nursing and he is totally fine, but I am a wreck. Multiple times a day, everyday for two years I have had a wonderful boost of oxytocin released into my brain every time my son nurses. Weaning is a big adjustment, for both of us. We will keep slowly and respectfully weaning.”
“Extended breastfeeding is something that has empowered me to stand up for my beliefs. Sadly, many women who choose to do this find themselves having to hide or defend their decision. There is nothing more natural than a mother breastfeeding her child, and the fact that THIS is something people choose to get worked up over, despite all the other horrific stuff going on in our world, will always baffle me. Find something you’re passionate about that will make a difference in the world. Fight a good fight. Work for a good cause. There are so many other things that energy could be used towards that could make this world a better place. Being offended by a child breastfeeding is not one of them.”
“Tandem nursing isn’t always easy but I imagine not tandem nursing wouldn’t be all that easy either.”
“Being a single mom my two sons don’t see the male role in breastfeeding and support. I hope that I have done enough, answered enough, and normalized breastfeeding enough for my sons to be the best breastfeeding supportive dads, or friend they can be.”
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