“I was determined to breastfeed, which can be hard with preemies.  It turned out at 4 months old Bethany learned how to latch but Sarah never did.  So I ended up exclusively pumping for Sarah and breastfeeding Bethany. I would breastfeed Bethany, bottle feed Sarah and then pump for Sarah’s next feeding.  We went on this way for 13 months.  It was hard but I stuck with it no matter how much people told me I was crazy.  I will admit I hated it and no one should judge me for that, it was stressful and very time consuming.  We as moms need to stop judging other moms about breast vs bottle.  They make formula for a reason and breastfeeding isn’t for everyone.  I sometimes wish I hadn’t been so stubborn and hell bent on proving people wrong that said I couldn’t do it.  I was so stubborn and felt guilty giving one formula and not the other, like there is something wrong with that.  If I had supplemented it might have been easier and I might have had more time to enjoy my babies. Breastfeeding one baby and bottle feeding the other also took more of an emotional toll on me as well.  I felt a different bond with the baby who I could breastfeed than I did with the baby taking bottles.  I cried a lot about it and thought there was something wrong with me.  I felt such guilt for feeling that way.  I was worried I wouldn’t bond with the other baby in the same way and we would never be close.  I spoke about it a lot at my breastfeeding support group.  They helped me to understand that there was nothing wrong with my feelings and that I didn’t love one baby more than the other.  As time went on these feelings went away.  I bonded with both babies equally and started to appreciate the differences in them that bottle vs breast had established.  It had also created an incredible bond between that daughter and my husband.  He would feed her anytime he was home to give me some more time to pump or do other things.  They are incredibly close to this day, him being the person she prefers.”