“I love my body!” I said, while encouraging women to do the same. “I love my body!” I exclaimed, while I was developing Type 2 Diabetes. “I love my body!” I yelled, while eating foods that made me sick. “I LOVE MY BODY!” I insisted, while not being able to run after my children without being severely winded. “What did I do to my body?” I sobbed, after finding out I was killing myself from out of control diabetes. I loved my body? How can you love something, and yet treat it so poorly? I’m not saying the body positivity movement is wrong – I’m saying I did it wrong.
This is a tough pill to swallow. To admit that something I so passionately fought for, was wrong. My message was right. You guys need to love your bodies. My delivery, however, was wrong. I should have been being a good role model. I should have asked, “How did you love your body today? Did you take it for a walk? Did you fuel it with healthy foods? Did you practice self care?” Don’t hate your body. Don’t hate it by speaking bad about it. But also, don’t hate it by not taking care of it.
I said I loved my body. My actions said differently. When you love something, you take care of it. I fueled it with foods that made me sick. I wasn’t active enough. I didn’t go to doctor check ups. I didn’t take care of myself. I put myself on some sort of pedestal to say that women should embrace their bodies and love themselves – yet I left out the most crucial part of this message.
You have to take care of your body. Whatever that looks like for you… please do it. Whether it’s eating more, eating less, seeing your therapist, having girls nights.. whatever fills YOUR heart and body with joy. All bodies are good bodies. I stand by this message. There is no wrong way to have a body. Only wrong ways to treat it. Fat isn’t ugly. Fat isn’t something to be ashamed of. Someone’s health isn’t my business, and it’s only their own and their doctors. But I’m asking you to take an honest, hard look at how you’re treating your body and soul.
Maybe if I had done this, I would have caught my diabetes sooner… or not developed it at all.
I take care of my body now. I reversed my diabetes through a healthy diet and exercise. I’m a new person, inside and out. Sometimes I don’t recognize my reflection, because I’ve lost so much weight. I hated the comments I was getting at first… I wanted people to not comment about my weight loss. It felt dirty. It felt wrong. I didn’t want to celebrate it. But now? I’m fucking proud of it. I took control of my health and I’m proud that I have gotten my body to a place where I feel good. If someone wants to comment on my weight, that’s fine. I didn’t do all of this to lose weight. Only to treat my body right and reverse my disease. And damn, I’ve done a good job.
So I’m pleading now that you’ll let my story be a cautionary tale. Take care of yourselves, ladies. We only get one body. One life. Treat it with love.